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Finally Friday!

  • Posted on August 29, 2014 at 5:38 pm

It’s finally freaking Friday, for which I am VERY grateful. But each Friday still makes me cranky that Elements has closed and I don’t have my weekly dinner there any more. Meh. Fuckers. It’s also Labor Day weekend which means two things- I have Monday off and where the holy heck did this summer go?!!?

Yesterday was a wash. We had some issues with the bank and financing for the house so I left work around lunchtime and headed home to help the Husband untangle the mess. We’re just waiting for a final confirmation in writing and then I think we’ll be all good. For now.  I didn’t get any walking done.

Afternoon update: The mess is straightened out, and we’re back to exactly where we were before. Which is just fine.

Still have more work than hours in the day, and more things to do than days in the week, but I’ve got to keep plodding along as best I can.

When can I get a vacation??

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26/27-August

  • Posted on August 27, 2014 at 4:52 pm

The countdown to closing continues, and it seems that my sanity is ebbing away every so slightly with each passing day.

I got a call from my boss Tuesday morning who now says that HR may not approve my request for remote working. This definitely messes with our plans, but I think it’s messing with my head even more than that. I’m overworked with little to no focus, too much to do and not enough time. I should be packing every night when I get home, but I hardly have the energy for it. And now if VT is going to be a vacation home, I’m not sure how to pack for or manage that.

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4 weeks (and back on shpilkes!)

  • Posted on August 25, 2014 at 4:11 pm

We close 4 weeks from today. We tentatively have movers scheduled for the Saturday after that. But as of Thursday, there’s “some complications” with my remote working request. So we’re back sitting on shpilkes (pins and needles) and trying to figure out a Plan B. In the meantime, I’m trying not to lose my mind. My body, however, is still in the anxiety-riddled phase of dealing with this, so EVERYTHING is flaring- the IBS, the eczema, the sciatica and of course the insomnia, even with the sleeping meds. It’s a joy to be me right now. Not!

Last week was a mixed bag, culminating in significant suckiness. First, was the Thursday bombshell from my boss- for which I may have an update tomorrow at the earliest. Second was the death of a friend on Friday. The sudden death of someone who was about our age, with no illness or reason, has been oh so hard to process. It’s the senselessness of the loss, the gaping hole they leave in the lives of those around them, that has always been so hard for me to process.

“Do not go gently into that good night

Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.” – Dylan Thomas

Dan, your spirit and kindness, your sense of humor and friendship, will live on as your legacy through those who have known you. This world and our lives are a darker place without you. What is remembered, lives.

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5 weeks (minus a day)….and it just got real.

  • Posted on August 19, 2014 at 11:17 am

Yesterday was 5 weeks until we close. I had a long, really long, post typed up, and it disappeared into the ether. Note to self: quick draft does not auto-save.

I was just told that HR is supportive of my request for remote working and it should really just be a paperwork formality from here on in. (It’s subject to review on a regular basis, based on business demand, and I need to be able to come into an official location with reasonable notice for face to face meetings. All of which I had expected.) So yeah. We should now be able to set a move date.

I’m trying to increase my walking. My goal for this week is to do 1 mile a day. And then gradually increase stamina by increasing what I do consecutively. Yesterday I did .5 mile before lunch, another 4/10 in the afternoon, and then 3/10 to top off the day. That’s 1.2 miles across the day. Not bad for me at all. It’s almost insignificant compared to my friends who are doing marathons and the like, but I’m trying not to compare myself to anyone but me. And compared to me last week, I’m doing great!

I’ve done 2/10’s so far this morning; I had intended to do more but the Boss called when I was in the back and I had to race back to the desk to call him back.

I had also rambled on yesterday about trying to figure out the cooking and feeding for once we’re in VT. It’s going to be VERY weird for me to be cooking nearly every day, and not being able to rely on Fresh Direct to delivery every week or two. I also need to figure out what’s going to be kept on hand for the backup plan, in case dinner is a flop. AND I need to figure out what to feed the Husband for lunch every day. So current dinner plan is one night each for: soup (may need to buy the Vitamix for this one), seafood, chicken, stir fry/wok, sandwiches/leftovers, salad  and one night out. Lunches for me are easy- chicken breast with veggies and couscous and salad in a jar should easily cover me for the week. Not sure about the Husband. We’ll have to talk about that. Next thing to do is start gathering recipes in each of these categories so that I’m ready to go. I’ve already started doing this, mostly on Pinterest, with a board for each category/day. It’s not bad, and so far easier than bookmarks in the browser, but I suspect that it may become as unwieldy soon enough.

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O Captain, my Captain…..

  • Posted on August 12, 2014 at 8:38 am

There are no words to express my sadness at the death of Robin Williams. From “Mork and Mindy” to “Dead Poets Society” to Aladdin’s Genie to Comic Relief and everything else in between, his is one of the voices that has permeated the laugh track of my life.

Depression is not something you can just “get over.” If it was a simple matter of choosing to no longer be depressed, I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t choose to get rid of this terrible, insidious disease. And it IS a disease. Just because you can’t see it, just because it’s “in your head”, doesn’t mean you’ve made it up, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It’s an awful, terrible thing. We stigmatize depression and mental illness far more than we should, and that hurts the people who suffer from them- and the people who love them. There is nothing wrong with needing medication to deal with depression. It is an illness. You wouldn’t think twice about this if someone was diagnosed with cancer or high blood pressure or diabetes; if medication were needed to treat those illnesses no one would bat an eye. So why do people think there’s something wrong with needing medication for depression or mental illness?!?

If you think you are depressed, please, find someone to talk to- whether that is a professional or just a friend you can trust to listen. And if your friends or family say that you should seek professional help, please listen to them. They are not saying that to brush you off; they are saying that you need more support then they are able to provide.

There are many more things I can say about depression, having been treated for it with medication myself, but I’ll just leave it at this. It is an illness. You are sick, not broken, not damaged, not worthless, and deserve to be helped, deserve to get better. The first step, asking for help, is absolutely without question, hard as heck but so very worth it; YOU are worth it, no matter how worth-less you may feel. You are not alone. (Worst case scenario, I am here for you, whether I know you in person, in “real life” or not.)

 

Crisis call center: 800.273.8255

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) http://www.nami.org/

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6 weeks (and still counting)….

  • Posted on August 11, 2014 at 3:17 pm

It’s 6 weeks and counting until Closing Day. There’s still been no progress around work, but I’m hopeful that will change this week now that the boss is back from his vacation (and someone seems to have tracked down the stupid form that I may or may not need to fill out!!). I’ve been thoroughly out-of-sorts for at least the last week, probably closer to two, between the migraines and the neuralgia. I’m still hoping that I’ve finally kicked it, but I’m not holding my breath about that, at least for another few days. I am at work today and feeling reasonably ok, but I’ve learned, or been reminded, that I need to take it day by day or even hour by hour when things get like this. And just because I’m ok now doesn’t mean I won’t have a raging headache later.

The weekend was again spent packing. I went through my pantry, at least part of it, and have thrown some things out and put some onto the giveaway table. And yet there is still so much more to do. More small boxes, shoe-box sized and a bit larger, will arrive later this week. The Husband discovered they are perfect for packing knick-knacks and small, fragile things in bubble wrap.

We got a delivery from Fresh Direct yesterday, which gave me prepared lunches for this week. But I think this is the last week for that, as I need to eat down the freezer. Tonight I’m going to portion out some fruit and veggies into bags and containers for the rest of the week to make things easier- just grab and go. The Husband liked the wrap sandwich we got him for lunch.

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Owww…..

  • Posted on August 7, 2014 at 11:03 am

Ow. Courtesy of a massive migraine headache, that is all for today.

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The nature of the beast…

  • Posted on August 6, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Today was what we call “hatchet day” at the office, where the talk around the virtual water cooler is all about “did you hear who got rif’d?” RIF= reduction in force, the Britishism for being part of a group layoff.  Today we lost a lot of good people. Some were happy to get their severance package and move on; others….not so much. So now that all that is done, it’s unusually quiet in a space housing 300 or so people in open cubes.Eerie. The only (selfishly) good thing about today is that there is no longer a never-ending candy bowl across the aisle from me. Getting chocolate now will actually take effort. And I’m ok with that. Self-control is easier when you need to get up and go down the hall (with a credit card no less!) and get it yourself then when you can just grab a mini piece across the way.

Otherwise, it’s status quo around here. Mostly anyways.

Two large waters, one walk done so far. I”m going to try and get a second walk in a bit later. (Edited to add: second walk done; may or may not get a third in.

Breakfast: iced coffee with soy milk

Lunch: Chicken noodle soup, chicken gyro (sauce on the side for dipping, left most of the bread, ate all of the veggies)

Snacks: sm bag potato chips (not my fault, they came with my lunch!); FD nuts and stuff;

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7 weeks and counting….

  • Posted on August 5, 2014 at 5:11 pm

We close on the house 7 weeks from yesterday. My living room already looks like a sea of boxes. I’m not sure how we’ll fit the rest of them in there!

I think the neuralgia is finally back under control. Which is good ’cause I was ready to start hitting things. I’ve probably said it before but I totally understand why it’s called “the suicide headache.” I can deal with the migraines, I can deal with the fibro, I can deal with the chronic pain. THIS I cannot deal with. The neuralgia would quickly drive me out of my mind. But since the neuralgia has subsided I seem to have a low-grade migraine since at least yesterday. I love waking up with a headache <sigh>. (And my deepest apologies, Husband, for your wake-up this morning!)

This weekend was pretty much all about packing. Most of our books are packed, and that’s A LOT! We went through my kitchen stuff and decided what’s getting packed and what’s getting re-homed. It’s very strange seeing empty space on my bookcases. Ok, empty bookcases. The bibliophile in me wants to fill them. But I am categorically resisting the urge to buy anything that is nonessential and must be moved.

Today I start bringing home my work stuff so it can be boxed up. My desk is getting emptier and emptier, despite the fact that I still don’t have official approval for the remote working arrangement. I can’t see any reason why it WON’T get approved, but these days you never know.

I’m finally starting to get back into my routine. I did 2 hallway walks today, so 6/10ths of a mile. The first walk was non-stop. I’m pretty sure that I’m on my third big cup of water. No chocolate today (just one piece yesterday). For better or worse, the person who stocks the candy bowl (which sits across the aisle from me) is getting laid off tomorrow, so I’m not sure where the chocolate is going to go, but I know it will NOT be on my desk. So I’m hoping that once it’s out of sight, and no one is dropping by for a piece, my temptation will lessen.

 

Breakfast: house iced coffee with soy milk

Lunch: tuna sandwich and mini stack of pringles from the cooler

Snack: FD nuts and fruit; FD almonds; fruit cup.

(For recollection, breakfast on Monday was house coffee and a bowl of Special K cinnamon pecan and lunch was a bowl of raisin bran. Note to self: no more raisin bran, the sugar is too high, but Special K with stuff is good! No walking on Monday, though, and one snack piece of chocolate.)

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29-July

  • Posted on July 29, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Keeping myself accountable is proving to be interesting. On the one hand, why am I doing this if it’s just for me? On the other hand, if it’s just for me, why should I NOT be doing this??

Figuring out yesterday that my there-and-back walk down the hall is actually 3/10th of a mile was rather cool. I managed to get in two walks this morning before lunch, so I’ve already done 6/10th’s! I may try to get an outside walk in this afternoon, probably after my call later. Right now my legs hurt and my calves are achy. I’m hoping that will start to subside as I get more used to doing this.

Another lap, another 2/10th’s done. 4/5th of a mile walked today. But holy heck am I tired! Maybe that’s why I’ve been sleeping better, pure exhaustion.

The countdown to Vermont has officially started. Yesterday was 8 weeks till closing. High speed internet should be available by the start of Sept, so we’ll take a trip up to check and troubleshoot that at some point during the month before we close. I don’t want to have to deal with THAT as well on Day 1. Holy crap- less than 8 weeks till we move. I’m trying to stay optimistic that the HR stuff will work itself out as needed by then and that we’ll be able to really move as of closing day. But that’s still up in the air and I won’t know anything more for another couple of weeks.

I managed to avoid a neuralgia attack yesterday; so far today is going ok too. I’m guardedly optimistic that this flare is subsiding, but I know it’s really too early to be sure. But for my sanity, I need to hang on to that glimmer of hope.

Breakfast: Starbucks venti soy latte; Stonyfield yogurt smoothie
Lunch: Fresh Direct dill salmon; some sliced peppers
Dinner: TBD
Snacks: cherries, FD fruit and nuts (2 serving pack)

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